Every relationship whether personal or work-related, deserves to be healthy. The context does not matter. And though they differ from person to person and situation to situation, in this article you can find ten fundamental principles that foster healthy relationships.
- Respect – as a quality, this one is tricky because it naturally differs from person to person. Basically, respecting another is beyond viewing them with admiration. It is about respecting the rights, wishes and opinions of another and their personal boundaries within the relationship. A lot of who we are shows up in how we respect another. Our history and cultural experiences shape how we perceive or project who we are onto others.
- Communication – consistent, clear, and direct dialogue inspires healthy relationship because it is all we are. It is the relationship. Non-verbal communication practices like acknowledging another, showing up when it is needed, smiling, touch, emoticon response, keeps the relationship thriving and this too differs from person to person, as we all need various kinds of communication at various times, based on where we are mentally and emotionally.
- Trust – is built and broken daily. Meet people where they are, not where you are. Instead of assuming what their trust needs are, ask them. How can you show up better for them? What do they consider are the boundaries of trust? And what will break trust between you and them? Asking these questions upfront can be daunting at the beginning especially between a leader and an employee but it identifies expectations and creates transparency from the start. Making it easier to manage further down the line. A lot of us rush into relationships with our own assumptions of what another needs and when trust is broken, we are not sure how it happened because we didn’t do the due diligence first.
- Honesty – from my experience learning and watching the unfolding of difficult situations in work relationships, I’ve observed that conflict and broken relationships happen because somebody, somewhere down the line was not honest or sincere about a situation that was taking place that impacted the other person in some way. People don’t need you to tell the truth for them to know it. Instinctually, we feel truth whether we want to or not. It is better to be honest. Others will respect you for your bravery and courage to be direct far quicker than they will respect the person that sugarcoats or avoids the truth.
- Sharing power – this is another quality that can be tricky purely because we believe that it does not exist. Power exists in every relationship, irrespective of its context. In the best relationships, the power is shared. Creating equality between two people. Most times if hierarchy is present, the person in the higher level, has more power but they can share it in a way that gives the team member agency and autonomy to perform or discuss matters that may empower the leader to do their job better. Similarly, both the leader and team member should not abuse their power by using toxic tactics to leverage power within the situation. Both parties would require self-awareness and emotional intelligence to bring it into a mature working relationship.
- Mutuality – is about sharing and supporting each other as if you are dancing with the person, you are in relationship with. This truly can be challenging in today’s busy lifestyle, especially when we are doing multiple things to survive or reach success. At executive leadership level, it can be harder but take the time to share and listen. Constantly ask if you doing what needs to be done to support your team and if you are and they are not sharing, ask them what they would need to be able to share their challenges and successes more openly.
- Curiosity – this quality keeps us open to find out about others and their interests. Everyone wants to be known by another as valuable. Being curious about what another thinks, knowing their likes, and interests, can encourage mutuality, establish common ground, and increase connection. Curiosity is extremely valuable when you are in a tough situation with another. You may not always agree but you can find things that you both enjoy or acknowledge through the value of curiosity.
- Teamwork – working together to achieve a common goal or shared interest is what makes strong relationships. Being able to work through challenges together and support each other will form a bond that is usually unbreakable because you have done the hard work. This is also a great way to learn about where the other person’s boundaries are and where you can step in to assist or support them. Sharing strengths and weaknesses can also make for a strong relationship in the long run.
- Psychological safety – being able to be vulnerable or human around another is not a bad thing. The more emotionally mature you are, the less your ego will show up in your relationships. This is a big picture approach. What are the overall goals and intention of the relationship and does winning have to be the goal for you. Unless both win, someone is losing. Psychological safety does require that we all willingly and bravely do the work on ourselves instead of fixing another. This value is important because without it, a relationship will never go past the surface or superficial level.
- Sharing / openness – With an abundant mindset it is easy to be open and share yourself with others, in context. This does not mean sharing personal or intimate information in a work context. It refers to being open about what you are thinking or what is going on within the context of work. When we don’t share or are not open about situations, we block others off and it can create a toxic cycle of suspicion, misunderstanding and fear because this characteristic is like trust. It is something that we feel when others are not being sincere or honest about things that may impact them.
Recommendations that can be added to this list includes conflict resolution, self-awareness, inclusion, cultivating similarities and taking accountability. Relationships are made and broken daily and requires a certain level of attentiveness and consistency to be healthy. Every relationship should have the chance to become something powerful and impactful. For what are we, but for relationship and community. We work, live, socialize and have fun with others in community and community requires healthy relationships to be a joyful and a purposeful experience.
In this six-part series, I discuss how to work through tough situations with coworkers, leaders, team members and clients. Watch this space for more.
