In this six part series, I get to the heart of challenging communication and engagement matters and provide tools and tactics that can help you get through it as a leader, colleague, company representative or employee.
Managing an employee that is passive aggressive, consistently negative, critical or uncooperative can be a tough circumstance for any leader. Ignoring or avoiding the situation, is not a solution as it can lead to further conflict and impact the entire team’s performance, commitment and momentum. Understanding different approaches and techniques that can be used to address the matter is crucial for any leader to gain favour with their team and be seen as a valuable leader to their organisation.
Remember, losing an employee may be an easy solution to a demanding situation but it does hurt productivity and business. It will take time to recruit a new employee and then at least 6 months to retrain or onboard them. It may take even longer for the new employee to gain on job knowledge.
Think win-win.
Here are some useful techniques towards resolution:
- Try not to make assumptions or jump to conclusions. Monitor and observe the situation first. Jot down your potential red flags then reflect on them. Is what you think is happening, really happening? It is useful to approach the matter with an objective mindset. Personally, I like to remind myself that how another responds to me is not about me but mostly about them. If you put yourself in their shoes how would you react then?
- Self-reflect. Many leaders don’t take the time to self-reflect before reacting. Is there a potential leadership gap or an opportunity for you to self-develop? Is this your teachable moment? And are you over reacting? If yes, why? Self-reflection should be a daily practice for any leader because it builds your emotional intelligence and capacity to be open-minded and less focused on what you want. Leadership is about serving and being part of the team, first.
- Talk to a peer. When we are emotionally or personally invested in a situation for various reasons, we struggle to see what others see that are not as close. Take the time to chat to a peer or someone that is not connected to your employee in any way. Do they see this as a risky or conflictual situation and how would they approach it? Every relationship is different and therefore requires a bespoke approach but that does not mean that what you end up doing will be good for the situation. You will have to keep trying. Relationships require consistency, transparency and work. They are made and broken daily.
- Be proactive and address the issue before it escalates, once you have done your due diligence and believe that this is a soured relationship. Research suggests that ignoring difficult situations within teams can make the situation worse. Nip it in the bud.
- Use effective communication techniques like active listening, empathy, and clear communication. It can reduce conflict and increase connection between you and your employee. Try and understand your employee from their perspective but be upfront about how their behaviour is affecting the team, deliverables or productivity. Do not make it about the person. Instead direct the discussion to focus on the end goal, how you can achieve and work together and show up better as a leader.
- Address unprofessional behaviour that may be detrimental to achieving your primary goals as a leader. This is the hardest part of making step-change in a relationship that has gone sour and it requires a certain level of diplomacy, emotional maturity and intuition. Every person is different and should be treated as such. What may work for one employee, will not work for another. Make sure that you’re not coming across as demanding, demeaning or aggressive. You want to move away from using the word ‘you’ which can be interpreted as blaming or victimising your employee. Instead, talk through this objectively by focusing on why we show up at work, what we need to deliver in order to achieve as a business, how you can be better supported as a leader and how our behaviour and mindset shapes that delivery. Focus on team values, behaviours and overall culture. You may learn a lot about your employee once they respond. Be open for that.
- Listen and reflect. I cannot stress enough about how important it is to stay open and engaged in this process. Set aside your ego and how you feel this impacts you. This is not your role as a leader. Your role is to listen and reflect in order to make informed decisions and choices that may impactfully shape the nature of your relationship with your team and employee going forward. Treat this as a teachable moment. The best coaches do the work on themselves first before they lead others.
- Know your intention. Be clear that you know what your intention is before having this discussion and make sure that it is the best for all parties involved. Including the rest of the team, company and HR. Be sure that you are not creating division as a leader but promoting and encouraging a collaborative, equally beneficial and supportive environment for all your team members.
- Meet in the middle. It is always good to sincerely offer something to get something. Decide what that is for you and ask your employee directly how you can show up better as a leader for them. How can you support and discuss what you need to be supported in your role, by your team. This will require follow through and commitment. If you go back on what you committed to, you will break trust and then it will be worst the second time around you try this process. You will have to continue to prove to your employee that you are a person of your word and actions. This is a reflection of your character, authenticity and reputation as a leader.
- Seek advice from HR. If you cannot resolve the issue yourself, it is important that you seek advice or support from HR. It is likely that they have worked through something like this before and have informational and supportive tools and activities to help you build a healthier relationship with your employee.
Soured and challenging relationships within the work place is normal in many organisations. The more we embrace our role as leaders in the situation, the easier it will become to form healthy versus unhealthy relationships with staff. For more information on this topic or to work through a current work related relationship issue that you may be challenging, reach out for a 15 free consultation or full hour advisory session.
