This is a question that I have wondered about for a very long time. A decade even. I’m a digital native who like so many of my peers, has chosen to disengage or limit my interaction on social media because of the nature to easily form inauthentic connections.
Communications and Public Relations practitioners use social media as a method of engagement, brand management but it is a tool more than a means to an end. From a people perspective, crisis management, increasing engagement and improving employee/ customer experience has nothing to do with social media and much to do about face to face and personal interaction. Its old school. As an advocate of healthy relationships, I’ve always had a sense that social media is in essence a momentary tool versus a one that can build long term, stable and transparent relationships. In any context.
Here are my reasons why:
- Instant gratification: The mind works in two systems. One fast. One slow. We learn what we do much like the baby bots on the scene who learn the algorithm or process. We learn slowly and then our mind programs that pattern, and it becomes habit. Social media by nature, is instantly gratifying and our brains become familiar and get used to it. It becomes an expectation in our everyday relationships. You post. People like but when we meet face to face, liking others automatically – is not normal. It takes time to build relationships. It takes time for us to get to know each other, learn each other’s values, behaviors, and interests. It takes time to adjust and adapt to another. At work, in teams or in a social setting. You cannot give it a quick try. If that happened, we wouldn’t have sports teams who go at it again, and again, and again. Nor would we have successful corporate teams and executive boards – who are constantly doing teambuilding exercises to win at the ‘we’ and not the ‘I’ or to recalibrate where they’re at as a team. Relationships are complex and systematic. They take time and effort. And as I love to iterate – they are made and broken, daily.
- Unconscious bias: I quote Daniel Kahneman’s, thinking fast and slow again. Biases form when we are exposed to certain ideas, ideals, values and perspectives within our community or family environment. They start off slowly and then they become our beliefs and habits without even questioning whether it is an unconscious bias about another/group. This is known as the fast brain. Social media is a perfect environment to form unhealthy or unconscious biases about others that are different to us or have other interests. The algorithm does this for you by encouraging you to follow and connect with people that fall directly into your network or have the same values or interests as you do. Reprogramming your brain to keep thinking just like it does every day without questioning your biases. The only way you will question it, is if you find friends that are polar opposite to you. This has been proven many times over, that differences in thinking, values and behavior is a perfect environment for creativity and high performance. Sticking with what you know and who you know, does not factually have the same outcome.
- Obscured view of reality: Authentic reputation management is about bringing the customer/ employees closer to what you realistically stand for as a brand or organization. That is why we do audits, to define and understand how we can create or inspire intimacy between audiences and a brand/company. To bring an audience closer, the rule of thumb is to be – drum roll – transparent. Transparency is all about being honest, direct, clear, and trustworthy because when crises happen and you are doing damage control, best practice is not to lie or to blindside the audience that you are trying to rebuild a relationship with. Sounds easy right? Lots of companies struggle with this. It’s not rocket science. Its people science. People want honesty when things are going horribly wrong. This protects a company from exposing themselves further or building a worst-case scenario. It should also help them pass the red face test. Personally, I am absolutely mortified that there are social media applications that change the nature of your features, obscuring the reality of what you look like. We thought we were in trouble during the 90s because of the media’s influence with the rise of celebrity, skinny models and photoshop. This is much more dangerous. So many little girls and boys are not loving themselves but recreating a version of their reality, that they feel others will prefer (a modern version of peer pressure?). It falsely seems easier to build a version of yourself (read perception management) than have courage and boldness to share the things that makes you uniquely human and beautiful. Things that are not superficial or seen with the eye. Professionally though, if you were to build honest and authentic relationships, transparency and honesty is key.
- Likes: Imagine everyone walked around with a like button. The world would be a crazy place. You’re either in or out based on the flavor of the moment. And essentially, to play the game correctly, you would probably have to constantly be someone you are not to suit the values of the people that are going to give you likes. If we were to like each other in such a brief expression, family would be absurd. Is the like button a true reflection of how we feel or is it a reaction? I wonder this when I specifically see the interest that followers have in reading my material. Some of my topics are sensitive in nature but interesting enough to read. That does not always equal a like or an affirmation from a reader which leads me to believe that it is not a true reflection of our feelings or interest. How many people are living on likes but don’t have authentic and stable relationships or connections? It is maddening to ignore the outcry of young people that are suffering from a lack of likes on their social media pages because likes have somehow translated to belonging. Again, modern day peer pressure. To belong, you don’t need a lot of people liking you. You only need one person who sees you. Belonging is not a numbers game.
- Relationships are between two people, not the community. When I advise clientele about how to heal a damaged relationship between an audience and leadership, a 1:1 situation or a team, its best to get the people in the room that have an invested interest in the outcome of the relationship/s. Social media has changed this dynamic and made it harder to manage from a people perspective. When I have managed crisis in the past due to a misunderstanding with a member of the public or customer/consumer, the most successful action is to pick up the phone and listen to what they have to say. That personal interaction, changes everything. It changes the dynamic and allows people to hear and feel each other. Its old school. It is what we crave for as a species. To connect. To be seen and to crisis manage is again, to let the parties take the time to work through it. To hear what the other person has to say. From my viewpoint, I see far more cyber bullying online and the abuse of the privilege of having a platform to share to large audiences which can severely damage another’s/brand reputation and/or hurt the good faith we all carry in contributing and building community.
- Mental health. Daily I am surprised about how many people are exceeding every day when I distinctly know as a professional and (previous) academic student that every day is a challenge. Every day I must get up and motivate myself to do something that is challenging. This is not different as a corporate person, living the life or as a business creative or an entrepreneur. We work extremely hard to reach our goals and life happens. Life is difficult in South Africa. Every day there is a new challenge. Right now, it’s loadshedding. This is not easy for most of the people living in our country who do not have the money to adapt their circumstances to living without electricity. Life as an adult is hard. It’s not easy. No matter what your income status is. Things happen. But according to social media, a lot of people are living their best lives. Daily. We struggle to share how we got there. What the challenges are. We smile and it looks good. This can be depressing for a lot of people who are not living their best lives. As a mentor to students in a postgraduate in management practice course, I spend a lot of time pep talking them. All they see is my success and distinctions. What they don’t know is that it took a lot of sacrifice of my time, friendships, and relationships. It took a lot of courage and boldness to recognize my self-limiting beliefs and fight those demons. So, I spend time encouraging them, telling them to jump and not worry about the outcome or whether they will get that A. No, I tell them, don’t listen to your peers, trust your gut, and have nothing to lose. The best sportsman have nothing to lose. They lay it all on the line for the win. It’s all in the mind. We need to find a way in society again to tell the truth and tell it well. This moves a community.
This is my perspective on social media and its impact on building healthy relationships. I hope that it has given you something to think about when it comes to your role in society. This is a big issue. It’s not minor. It is shaping our narrative and the zeitgeist. If this has impacted you in any way, reach out but most importantly think about how you are building relationships with the people that matter to you most and then how that translates in your place of work, society, or those that you engage with.
References:
Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House.
Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. Penguin UK.
