There is popular consensus in management practice circles that people do not leave jobs, they leave leaders/ line managers. A leader can energize, motivate and/or drive you to stay or leave a company and they have considerable influence on your career progression, professional network, productivity, organisational experience and daily happiness (given that we spend at least 40 hours a week at work).
Working and engaging a leader that you do not get along with can be frustrating especially when you would like to understand what they want, know how to navigate their management style and come to a place where you are cohesively working towards achieving company goals. This can be more challenging when it seems like they’re making it harder than it needs to be because of the hierarchy (power) that a leader inherently holds.
However, it is possible to have a successful working relationship with your leader by following some simple strategies.
- Understand their perspective
Listen before reacting and ask inquiring questions to understand why they have made a decision or requested a task or action of you. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their viewpoint. This may give you a better understanding of their motivations and priorities. You may not always agree with their approach, but this will improve your discourse in the long run.
- Effective communication
This goes a long way in any relationship or partnership but is significant when you are engaging with someone that you are struggling to work with. Direct, transparent and concise messaging is very important in a scenario like this. Try not to be ambiguous or leave communication open for interpretation. Ask for clarification and ask if they need clarification. In addition, your tone and body language should be positive, cordial and professional. Even if you do not agree with them. We are a species that reads and feels far more than words.
- Be open to building a relationship
Look for opportunities to connect with your line manager on a personal level and find common ground. We may not be alike but we all do share similarities. This will help build trust, improve communication and encourage amicability between you. This does not mean that you need to be friends as you have the right to be independent of your job. Nor does it mean that you need to imitate or be a reflection of your line manager. You have the right to be exactly as you are in your diversity. They have hired you for your skills and merit.
- Be proactive
Flag potential issues/ concerns or work related problems early on as this will help to build trust with your leader and show that you are committed to your role. Equally, if there are issues or concerns that come up during your engagement with your line, nip them in the bud / address them as soon as you can or they may fester and become worst over time. Take the initiative and be proactive in your communications and engagement with them. Relationships and trust are built and broken daily.
- Remember to stay positive
It can be easy to become frustrated or discouraged when you are in a tough situation with someone you report into, but it is crucial to stay focused on your goals and maintain a positive attitude. Look for the positives in the situation and try to find solutions rather than dwelling on problems. Take the high and long road perspective.
- Seek support
If none of the above actions change the dynamic of your relationship with your line, evaluate where you are in the situation and gauge if you may need to reach out to HR to intervene or a coach who can give you tools to help you work through the situation with your leader. They can also help you understand if the relationship has moved into an unhealthy or toxic space.
Red flags that may make you wonder if you are working with the correct leader:
- Constant misunderstandings. If you start to notice that what you agree and commit to with your line is often forgotten or misunderstood when it comes to the implementation of work or their role in it, this could detrimentally impact your outcome and productivity.
- Not on the same page. You spend a lot of time talking, communicating, and agreeing on things but find later that you are not on the same page. This could be that your boss is checked out and no one enjoys the teammate that only shows up for credit or recognition.
- Setting you up for failure. You tend to notice that you never achieve the outcome you set out to irrespective of your hard work, time, or energy. You somehow never please them or can reach that objective because the circumstances, conditions are not ideal for success.
- Lack of support in meetings with other colleagues or teams. You notice that you are always on the defense or that there is a lack of proactive support from your line in meetings. It is their role to support you even when they do not agree in the moment. An emotionally intelligent leader, will pull you aside and have that conversation without embarrassing, shaming, or blaming you in front of others.
- Overwhelmed boss. You get a sense that your boss is overwhelmed and now want to step in to do their job or assist them. It is not your place or role to do their job or teach them how to do their job. They get paid for doing their job or you would be in the role.
Whenever I’m in a difficult or uncomfortable relationship situation, I remind myself of a line I’ve heard a previous VP I used to work with say, that no one wakes up in the morning thinking or planning to ruin another person’s day. It puts into perspective that we all enter the workplace with a certain amount of decorum, professionalism and good faith and should anticipate that sentiment of your line manager too and vice versa. You do have agency and the power to make an informed decision and change your situation if you need to.
Thank you for your time and look out for the final wrap up of this six-part series on healthy relationships.
